take initiative with everyone else’s New Year’s Resolutions
It’s that time of the year again, when ‘clever’ people clean out their homes, habits and hearts to make a clean, fresh start at life.
The calendar is a highly successful way of guiding behaviour this way, so I applaud the people who created this method of making us periodically refresh everything around us.
There is not much new about New Year’s Resolutions except that they need to be followed by a little initiative. The people who make them are not the issue here, because they will be dropping them soon enough, as usual.
It’s the rest of us who can benefit from this Resolution-mania who should sit up and therefore take quick, profitable advantage.
The most popular resolutions, for instance, are to do with quitting drinking and smoking; both vices that we globally acknowledge form unhealthy addictions but are so essential as to be legalised.
The people in alcohol-based businesses such as bars and nightclubs should therefore be busy creating non-alcoholic cocktails and marketing them vigorously to these quit-drinking resolvers – at least for this one month when the resolution will likely hold.
I would be impressed if the breweries quickly replaced Christmas billboards with advertising for their non-alcoholic beverages, but I have no suggestions for the cigarette companies.
The next most common resolution should be the one around doing more exercise and losing weight – well justified by the amount of holiday gluttony we are emerging from.
I haven’t yet seen any gyms or exercise businesses stepping up their advertising to drive all these willing and highly potential customers through their doors, but perhaps they will begin tomorrow. UPDATE!
I got this flier in my email exactly 36 hours after sending this article in for publication, and I can swear that the guy behind this had no idea that this is what I was writing about this week; kudos to Bob Ssebugwawo!
They might be planning to coincide their marketing drive with that of the companies that sell light t-shirts and other gym-appropriate clothing, which should be on demand in general because most clothing has certainly shrunk in size over the holidays.
Next resolution: get a better job. The people on the lower rungs of the employment ladder normally make this one easily and quickly; your domestic staff, especially, take time off to think about their lives and implement their career-changing decision in an irritatingly abrupt manner. We have all suffered that return to the home, tired after the holiday travels, to find that these essential staffers haven’t done the same.
The employment agencies that provide these domestic staff should be charging a premium for January hires. A distressed couple faced with an absconding domestic staff the day before they are supposed to return to work themselves will pay handsomely for a quick replacement.
Then cleaning companies, meanwhile, could mop up millions addressing people’s homes after all their Christmas and New Year partying, and even just the prolonged presence of children from morning till night as they holiday.
Set up a post-holiday package for us and see if we don’t take the bait!
Speaking of bait, there is that one resolution that the vast majority make especially on the night of the crossover, after reflecting on their year past and being awed by the power behind it.
Religious bodies should be in overdrive right now – so much that THEY should be the ones replacing the Christmas billboards as the Breweries delay to make the switch to non-alcoholic beverages.
What are churches doing NOT setting up fireworks displays of their own?
Most people would be enthralled by those particular fireworks and looking out for the possibility of a message from on high amidst the display.
If there is anybody letting an opportunity go by, it’s religious people not designing a fireworks display that spells out something like, “Get Saved Now!”
If people respond to billboards and newspaper adverts and SMS messages telling them to buy stuff mbu “it’s the best”, how will they ignore a message written in the sky in fire on New Year’s night when they are all high charged?
And fireworks displays don’t really cost that much, so any ordinary church could put one on as easily as they piece together the money for the Pastor’s car and other stuff like that.