i christen thee, obama…

I expect thousands of newborn children have already been named Obama. I would believe that even grown-up children are being renamed Obama, and maybe even adults, if all the new Facebook profile photos are anything to go by.

This goes to the kids, though, so if you’re an adult print it out and hand it over to them.

Children, there are ways you can tell whether or not you deserve to be christened Obama:

If you are that damn kid who always hands in your homework first, wears your socks pulled up right to the knees and never hesitates to provide the teacher with the names, ages and tribes of who has been talking at the back of the class, then you can call yourself Obama.

If, in addition, you are the young brother who greets the parents in the evening with, “(Insert Big Brother’s name here) broke two cups in the kitchen while he was chasing the cat trying to catch it round the neck with your tie that you always wear to Church at Christmas…”, then you can call yourself Obama.

If you spend lots of time being adored by your aunts and grandaunts as “So cute!” in many different languages as they tickle you under the chin like some fluffy kitten, while in the meantime you accumulate lots of pocket money from spare change stuffed affectionately into your pockets by various uncles and older cousins, then you can call yourself Obama.

Should you be able to play outside with everybody else but somehow always manage to still be clean, neat and tidy at the end of the session, therefore causing all mothers in the neighbourhood to ask their children, “Why can’t you be like (insert your annoying name here)?”, then you can call yourself Obama.

And, just as your namesake, you will be loved by the majority of the people who meet and see you (such as all abovenamed) but hated by your peers will hate you.

With a deep passion.

Just as they hate him roundabout now for being such a goody two-shoes.

“WTF?!!”, thought fellow Presidents in unison when they watched the President of the world’s most powerful nation say the words, “I screwed up.” (http://www.smsmedia.ug/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=68:obama-qscrewed-upq&catid=1:news-updates) last week. “WTH?” the rest of the world has been thinking jointly since the man started speaking in public about anything.

His goodness (state of being good) is beginning to irritate we mere mortals, and for good reason too.obama-superheroes

It’s worse for the other Presidents and Heads of State, of course, than it is for ordinary chaps like everybody who is not a President or Head of State. Ordinary chaps are simply getting judged by their wives and employers by the Obama standard and ignoring the judgements because, dammit, what can I do now? I am neither Obama nor Jesus and I have already spent the last fifteen years trying to be like Jesus already, I don’t need the additional pressure!

But Presidents and Heads of State? They DO need that pressure. They need to measure themselves and be measured against Barack Hussein Obama – NOT because he is the world’s strongest President, but because he seems to be the world’s most intelligent, charismatic, down-to-earth, realistic, empathetic, fatherly, kind, hopeful, supportive (continue this list later with positive adjectives, children. An Adjective is a descriptive word).

This Kenyan orphan now running the United States of America, with his pauper to prince and rags to riches story, and his young-dashing-David-who-so-obviously-had-McCain-and-his-Goliath-backers-whipped-from-the-get-go-but-still-rode-the-race-with-a-polite-humility-that-allowed-the-white-haired-old-man-the-dignity-of-‘losing’-rather-than-being-pulverised poise, and his sharp-dressing, clear-thinking, eloquent, slam-dunking and three-pointer-shooting, apologising on global TV, non-beer-belly-carrying black AFRICAN American, bookseller-writing, hard-talking, sense-making stimulus plan pushing press conferences… DAMN, I am foaming at the mouth.

Which makes me realise what all the other Presidents and World Leaders need to do forthwith: Each and every one of you Heads of State, from Azerbaijan to Zim…no, Mugabe, just resign…from Azerbaijan to Zambia (yes, there might be a country called Zenda, but focus on the issue at hand please!!). Each of you Heads of States needs to consider the following question every morning as soon as you wake up, every night before you go to sleep, every ten minutes just before a meeting, and every time you open your mouths to speak: What Would Obama Do?

Every Day.

All the Time.

WWOD? (What Would Obama Do?)

The rest of us are asking…

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